In the past week or so, I have had a renewed sense of appreciation for where I am right now in my life. More specifically, I have been reminded of how much I have right at my fingertips because I live at a camp. I can play in a gym and game room for fun. I have a living space, utilities, the majority of meals (not to mention toilet paper) provided for me, which will probably never happen again in my life. In addition to all of this, I have the great outdoors all the time! When it is warm, I have a beach and lake. When it is cold, I have a ton of snow and tobogganing.
I don’t take enough of an advantage of all that I have right here, right now. I was once again reminded of this fact yesterday when I took part in some great outdoor adventures with some of my wonderful fellow co-workers. I got trained on the toboggan run, which of course means that we had to take a couple of practice runs down the hill...just to test it out. You know how that goes. We tested out the cross country skiis, and I found out how awkwardly uncoordinated I am at it. Well, not necessarily uncoordinated. Let’s just place more emphasis on the awkward...and slow. Very slow.
Later in the afternoon after work, a few of us went on a bit of an exploration. We walked across Little Bankson (a little pond named after the lake camp is on called Bankson Lake). I have never had the experience of walking across an iced over body of water. The most ice I have walked on consists of a puddle...on solid ground. We had a great time walking across the lake, exploring a covered bridge, and wandering through some potential property before returning back to camp. I realized as we were wandering around and exploring how much I love adventures and how few of them I actually allow myself to have. I think all of us secretly (or maybe not so secretly) love adventures and thrill. The scale by which we judge this thrill is different for each person, but we all experience some form of exhilaration from stepping out and doing something different than the usual, something that has a slight edge of dangerousness (hey, I could have fallen through the ice at any moment), and something that challenges us to do something new.
Why is it that I limit myself to what I know? Why is it that I cling to security and familiarity? Why do I fear the unknown, the new, and the different so much? I honestly don’t know the reason for this, but my speculation is that I fear so much because I trust so little. I’m not talking about not trusting people. Rather, I think these fears come out of a lack of trust in God. It's not like I'm blatantly not trusting Him, but it seems that I’m basically saying, “I like my box. It’s nice and comfortable, and most of the time I can anticipate things. Sure I’m flexible, but from the comfort of my box.” This box does not refer to my life at camp, but rather how I view my life and the possibilities that it holds. Until I truly believe that God wants to use me, and until I view God as big and powerful enough to work in mighty ways every day of my life, then I will be confined to my box. I will never see the adventure in my everyday life. I don't want to limit myself or God. I want adventures.
“What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us." -A.W. Tozer
